HOW TO IDENTIFY AND DEAL WITH MANIPULATORS AND PEOPLE WITH EXTREMELY LOW SELF-ESTEEM
and… WHY this is important
How often do you come across or surround yourself with people who think they’re smarter, wiser, better than you are, or simply try to manipulate or sabotage you (consciously or unconsciously)? I know I do. I also know that I am pretty good at reading people and their energy. So when such people approach me with not so positive energy, they do not realize that I can feel all that and such behavior is simply ridiculous because they think that they’re in charge and in control.
I truly feel sorry for such people because they have no idea who they are or what they want. Often they are co-dependent, meaning that they feel fulfilled (or they think they do) by living someone else’s life instead of creating the life they truly want and try to manipulate or control other people. Many people do not recognize manipulation and controlling patterns in others for a while or when they do, it is often hard to separate the self from a manipulator; a person can be blinded by fear, become dependent and is often willing to settle for the sake of fake peace.
Remember this, when someone tries to put you down, manipulate or control you, it is never about you. It is always about them and their problems.
Here are some examples of issues such person usually has:
- Extremely mentally and emotionally weak
- Very low self-esteem
- Co-dependent
- Unresolved issues from the past
- Many fears
- Lack of or non-existent trust in themselves
You will often see that these people just have to be surrounded by other people all the time and or be in the center of attention. They just cannot be alone; they do not know how to be alone, how to accept or love themselves. Therefore, they think that if they pretend to be “cool”, outgoing, and in charge, people will fall in love with them and they will be able to cover up their issues. Some people do fall for this since they do not know what is underneath the mask, the extreme behavior. However, the “show” does not last forever because people who are really smart and intuitive, sooner or later they do learn the truth.
What to do if you have such people in your life?
If you are the one who has manipulative and controlling people around you, I am glad you are reading this. First, you are not alone. Every person has met someone like that or still has such person in her or his life. Unfortunately, you cannot always eliminate them from your life and have to deal with such people for various reasons.
Here is what you can do when dealing with manipulative people:
- Eliminate such people from your life if possible. If you feel that someone manipulates, controls or brings you down, there is no reason to have that person in your life.
- Set boundaries. You can give them permission to communicate with you, but you cannot allow them into life. So if you cannot eliminate them from your life, you must set some boundaries; find the balance and do not let them affect or hurt you.
- Communicate. Depending on the person you are dealing with, this may not always work, but you can try. It is important to let the person know what is “not okay” and what you do not like in terms of their behavior. Remember, people treat you exactly they way you allow them to treat you.
- Grow and become aware of yourself. If you are emotionally strong, confident and know exactly who you are and what you want, no one can hurt you. The only way you can be hurt is when you allow them to get to you.
- Always always always remember, it is never about you. Such people have many issues and they are looking for an outlet to let their negative emotions out, and they just choose you to be that outlet. But every time they treat you badly, they simply jeopardize their own reputation, demonstrate how weak they are and how low their self esteem is.
Not everyone is meant to be in your life, so choose carefully who you let into your life. Right people will come with no effort and the better you feel about you, the more alike people you will attract.
WANT MORE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS?
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Do you want to learn more? Read this article “How to deal with a controlling or manipulative relationship”