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Every one of us had a moment in our lives when we realize that other people are not using a simple common sense. What seems to us an unquestionable or a “normal” behavior, others would have different perception of the same things. If we look at teenagers or young adults, there seems to be a common behavior pattern in either of the groups – lack of common sense in their behavior or decision making patterns.
But this is just a big understatement; so called common sense or perception is not influenced just by age or values we grow up with, and many adults (not only adolescents) demonstrate very different behavior patterns too.

Why different behaviors exist?

First of all, most of us are so used to ourselves and our behavior patterns, and we are convinced that this is the way everyone else is thinking or behaving. Thus, sometimes we do not even realize that there might be other different opinions or ways of doing things, or that there might be something wrong or inappropriate with our behavior or decision patterns.

Second – every person has his or her own perception of things. Every person, no matter what age, sees the world around him or her based on the preset “filters” in their minds. Some of the filters are preset based on where we come from, how we are raised, and values that we get from our parents very early on. Other filters we create ourselves later in lives based on our experiences and knowledge. These are the things that we rely on when we express our opinions and what is important to us.
Therefore, there is not a single person with identical perception and view of life.

What is a perception?

Here is my definition of perception. It is a way of forming and expressing a belief, understanding and interpretation of things based on one’s knowledge and past experiences.

Everything is based on our perception: what and how we see things and how we interpret them.
Did you know that often times we even create things that we want to see?
Do you think that a green lawn is actually green?
Are you sure that events you remember from several years ago are real and actually happened to you?

Our brain is very powerful and you will be very surprised what it is capable of. Yes, our brain can “create” events that you actually did not participate in or modify those that you did. Yes, the color is again our brain’s perception of the surroundings, but this is another great topic for another discussion. If you really want to dig deeper into how the brain’s operates, watch a TV show “Brain games” or read a book called “The brain that changes itself”. This will give you a very basic understanding on how your perceptions are created and what brain has to do with all this.

Here is a simple example how differently we can be viewing things. I was coaching a business owner who was selling goods. During our first couple of sessions we were trying to figure out where the business was at, what was working and what was not, and I kept coming back to the financials as there were some things that just did not click with me. It appeared that what was a common sense to me, to her – different things were more important. The owner did not know the net cost of an item she was selling, and that is why she was losing money on each sale. Though I knew that this dollar amount was very important, her focus was on selling more and not on actual expenses related to making, storing, and selling an item. So lack of knowledge and experience also influence us enormously.

Still… Why do we think that we are always right?

The thought that we do everything right usually comes from our perception (again!) of things. We rarely step back and try to look for other ways of thinking or considering how others may view the same situation. We are very convinced that our way is the only way or the best way. Sometimes this happens because we simply do not want to know the other way or another opinion. While other times we do not know how to “access” the other perceptions or opinions.

How to break this “being right” pattern?

When you are asked to express your opinion, it is OK to communicate things the way we see them. However, use a different approach when it comes to communicating (especially in conflicts or disagreements) and making decisions with others.

Consider these steps:
• Ask for opinion. Ask everyone involved in a situation to express their point of view.
• Listen. Do not talk, interrupt or ask a question. Just focus on what a person is staying and try understanding.
• Step back and think. Try ignoring what you think for a moment and try understanding why the opinions or perception of things differ. What is it that you do no see that others see? Why different things are important to other people?

When you look and analyze a situation from a different angle, you will be surprised that other opinions can also make sense. There might be more than one or two ways to view any given situation, to resolve a dispute, or simply make a decision.
Judging others and forcing your point of view is easy. Understanding others and accepting different perceptions and views is hard, but very valuable.

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